I'm still alive!
Lately I haven't given a lot of attention to this blog, largely because I'm in a dip, or ebb in feelings of Gender Dysphoria at the moment. Also, I imagine, because I'm starting to figure out the things that trigger my GD, and finding coping strategies that take the edge off. Fellow nontransitioning MTF Calie has what she calls her "TIDE" recipe, which inspires and informs my approach quite a bit:
T - Trans friends who understand me.
I - Immersing myself in my work and hobbies.
D - Diet and eating right.
E - Exercise and staying healthy.I should probably add "pure will-power" to the list.
Thanks to the Internet, I definitely have Trans friends who understand me. Thanks, everyone! :)
I have indeed been immersing myself in work, home & family time, and returning to some hobbies I haven't made much time for this year. Being busy helps.
I've been paying a lot of attention to my health this year, exercising regularly (almost daily when the weather and my health allow it), eating less, and almost entirely cutting soft drinks out of my diet (but I do drink a lot of Crystal Light, because I'm a little obsessively particular about the taste of water). All told, I feel WAY better about my body and overall health than I did a year ago (face scar from this summer's epic bike crash notwithstanding). Still not the body my inner self wants to see looking back at me in the mirror, but closer.
What I've discovered is that the only way to really get the body you want to see looking back at you in the mirror is change what you want to see.
ReplyDelete"for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart." (1 Samuel 16: 7)
What ultimately changed my ability to see the person I want to see in the mirror was simply changing what part of me I was looking at. I started looking at my heart and making sure it was in the right place.
The truth of the matter is the only people who see the body they want to see in the mirror aren't even looking at that. No amount of physical beauty seems to bring peace with one's appearance. Such peace only comes from looking on the inside.
-Christi
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I appreciate your reminder.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I'm still a little heavier than is healthy for someone my height, and I love the way I *feel* when I take care of my body, so I think it's possible to have both. :)
Before I realized what was going on with me people always used to ask me why I never got my picture taken. It wasn't so much that I looked bad as much as I hadn't faced reality that that I hate mirrors...I don't like pictures either...
ReplyDeleteLater on I was like...oh so that's why I had that...now that I've figured things out a bit more. I still think I'm more of a student.
The mirror analogies are interesting because you all seem to be describing me. It feels spooky sometimes.
Me and photos/mirrors, wow, that's a whole post in and of itself. Suffice it to say it's complicated.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm thinking about this kind of logically. Non-judgmental and looking at your TIDE recipe above, but very curious about some things...
ReplyDeleteI've seen church references for choosing friends who are a good influence. So I'm curious what you all think about what constitutes trans friends in the tide recipe that are that kind of good influence and those that aren't? I'm new to this and discussions are fun so this isn't something I'm trying to pick on anyone, just like identification of healthy behaviors. I'm sure other virtues can be substituted in whats good and what isn't for this.
Also I'm kinda math oriented...so I'm thinking about this like Venn diagrams in probability where you have circles overlap each other, and each circle is a population group. Where they overlap is where there are populations that satisfy both the conditions of the one circle and another.
I suppose part of this exercise I was also thinking like identifying what activities are good for fighting GID and which aren't?
@River: I think like so many things in this world, it depends. A good and supportive friend for you might be someone that's unhelpful and distracting to someone else. I think the key lies in the advice Christi gave on her blog yesterday (in the "uncertainty" post): pay attention to the fruits of the Spirit when you interact with that person / try that coping mechanism / whatever. If it makes you feel better about yourself, more able to deal with the world around you, and closer to Heavenly Father, it's something/someone worth keeping in your life. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks a bunch.
ReplyDeleteI hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. It's difficult to see.
Lately trying to focus and keep the mind active and clean. I used to think it was just like not thinking about immoral things but now I've been thinking maybe that applies to activities that can produce a future skill or something?