Trans Awareness Month, Day 14 - Passing tips?

(This is part 14 of my observance of Transgender Awareness Month, my answers to the 30 Day Trans-Challenge.)

14) What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass?

Um, well, first of all, "passing" is a loaded term. Passing as what, exactly? There are an almost infinite number of variations in womens' hair, skin, body type, voice, and on and on and on, so meeting some arbitrary set of criteria that everyone will read as "female" is somewhat laughable. I'm not saying there aren't ranges on every one of those categories that roughly equate to "female" and "male", because there probably are. What I'm saying is that ultimately, as a non-binary identifying person, it doesn't matter to me.

... much.

Actually, it does matter to me, I guess. But it's complicated.

I don't really alter my presentation all that much for different social situations, other than the obvious one of getting more dressed up for church and work than, say, a quick trip to the corner store. That being the case, I have a couple of important criteria in mind when I get dressed:

1. I want to embrace my femininity in minor ways that nevertheless remind me of my identity. My hair is a big one. A little jewelry sometimes is another. The cut & color of the clothes I wear. Basically the stuff I talked about in my "coping" post a few days ago.
2. I want to look like "Dad" to my kids, in a way that doesn't make them (or their friends) uncomfortable. Having a daughter in her early teens, this one matters quite a bit to me.
3. I want to be attractive to my sweetheart. I don't care much if anyone else thinks I'm good looking, but I want her to.

If I pass those three tests, nothing else really matters to me. :)

Alias

I felt like the blog needed a new name to reflect where my head is at.

The last name, "Me, my Wife, and Arcee," implies a couple of things that don't feel right to me at this point: one, that Arcee is somehow separate and distinct from my male-self, and two, that we somehow had to make space for "her" to fit into our marriage.

Yeah, not so much.

Since coming out to D.W., I feel like that's not really been the focus of our conversations, nor of my own thoughts and impressions relating to my transgenderism. I also don't feel like "Arcee" is a separate persona anymore, rather, just another facet of the prism that is me.

Soooo... new blog name: "A.K.A. Arcee."

"The Dip" and Coping

I'm still alive!

Lately I haven't given a lot of attention to this blog, largely because I'm in a dip, or ebb in feelings of Gender Dysphoria at the moment. Also, I imagine, because I'm starting to figure out the things that trigger my GD, and finding coping strategies that take the edge off. Fellow nontransitioning MTF Calie has what she calls her "TIDE" recipe, which inspires and informs my approach quite a bit:

T - Trans friends who understand me.
I - Immersing myself in my work and hobbies.
D - Diet and eating right.
E - Exercise and staying healthy.

I should probably add "pure will-power" to the list.

Thanks to the Internet, I definitely have Trans friends who understand me. Thanks, everyone! :)

I have indeed been immersing myself in work, home & family time, and returning to some hobbies I haven't made much time for this year. Being busy helps.

I've been paying a lot of attention to my health this year, exercising regularly (almost daily when the weather and my health allow it), eating less, and almost entirely cutting soft drinks out of my diet (but I do drink a lot of Crystal Light, because I'm a little obsessively particular about the taste of water). All told, I feel WAY better about my body and overall health than I did a year ago (face scar from this summer's epic bike crash notwithstanding). Still not the body my inner self wants to see looking back at me in the mirror, but closer.

On the Internet...

© 1993 Peter Steiner / The New Yorker (Vol.69 (LXIX) no. 20)

I saw this famous New Yorker cartoon a while ago that I thought was kind of funny, about how everyone on the Internet can basically craft their own identity to be what- or whoever they want to be. The other day something kind of interesting happened that reminded me of that cartoon.

For the past 6 months or more I've been playing Wordsmith (like Words with Friends or Scrabble) with a few people on my smartphone. It's a fun little diversion, and keeps my mind (relatively?) sharp. Anyway, recently one of my regular opponents, with whom I've been playing for many months, sent me a surprising little chat message through the game: while I don't remember the exact quote, she said something to the effect of "please don't be offended, but are you a man or woman?"

I think my jaw might've dropped.

My game username is pretty much gender-neutral, so I guess that could be confusing, but the funny thing is, my avatar in the game is VERY masculine: shaved head, dark power suit... cosplaying Lex Luthor, basically. So was it my word choice? The way we interact when we chat? I have no idea. But even though I answered "male", I have to admit that Arcee preened a little.