I felt like the blog needed a new name to reflect where my head is at.
The last name, "Me, my Wife, and Arcee," implies a couple of things that don't feel right to me at this point: one, that Arcee is somehow separate and distinct from my male-self, and two, that we somehow had to make space for "her" to fit into our marriage.
Yeah, not so much.
Since coming out to D.W., I feel like that's not really been the focus of our conversations, nor of my own thoughts and impressions relating to my transgenderism. I also don't feel like "Arcee" is a separate persona anymore, rather, just another facet of the prism that is me.
Hank Green is one of my favorite people on the Internet. He and his brother John share one of the most prominent YouTube channels, VlogBrothers, and they talk about all kinds of stuff, from the fascinating and deeply profound to the nerdy and trivial. Today Hank posted this video addressing the whole concept of the gender binary and why it's an inadequate framework for understanding the incredible diversity of human experience (from physical sex to gender identity to physical and romantic attraction). If you've got 4 minutes, give it a watch:
Wasn't that a great video to share with people who think we're crazy and all this "trans stuff" is just in our heads? Life is, as he says, complicated. Or, put another way, as Hank's brother John often puts it, "the truth resists simplicity."
Anyway, I just had to share this with you, dear readers. Now I need to go to bed. Until next time, as Hank and his brother always like to say to one another, don't forget to be awesome.
Recently, I read a post over at Feminist Mormon Housewives that reflected something I'd recently experienced too: in Western culture (at least here in the U.S.), a lot of people seem to be very uncomfortable with the idea of men needing a bag that serves the same purpose as a woman's purse.
As part of my ongoing chiropractic adventure to fix what my summer bike crash messed up, my doctor suggested that I would have better posture if I stopped sitting with a wallet in my back pocket. So that had to go somewhere, and my front pockets are mostly too small for that. Add in my phone, car keys, glasses/contact lens cases, chapstick, work ID badge, and so on, and the need for a bag to carry all of this stuff should become clear. Plus, I've taken to carrying a knockoff Moleskin notebook and pen & pencil should inspiration ever strike while I'm out and about (which it often does, actually). So for a while, I've been carrying a fanny pack (or "bum bag" for those of you that come from somewhere that speaks Queen's English) with all of that stuff in it, slung over my shoulder. That works out okay most of the time, but sometimes it's too big to carry around, and other times it's too full of other stuff (I use it as my lunch bag for work).
Then a while back, when I was perusing the purses at the store to find something suitable for my teenage daughter's birthday, I saw one that fit my needs perfectly:
(It's not exactly like this one, and it's certainly not Prada, but it's nice)
It's black nylon, lightweight and strong, and has a bunch of separate sections for my various stuff, and a great shoulder strap!
Best of all? It's completely stealth — people see it and just think it's a small messenger bag, so it doesn't set off anyone's T-dar, but I know, and it's just one more little affirmation of my femme side.
Silly? Trivial? Yeah, probably. But it means something to me, and I don't have to stuff my pockets to bursting anymore. :)
Lately I haven't given a lot of attention to this blog, largely because I'm in a dip, or ebb in feelings of Gender Dysphoria at the moment. Also, I imagine, because I'm starting to figure out the things that trigger my GD, and finding coping strategies that take the edge off. Fellow nontransitioning MTF Calie has what she calls her "TIDE" recipe, which inspires and informs my approach quite a bit:
T - Trans friends who understand me.
I - Immersing myself in my work and hobbies.
D - Diet and eating right.
E - Exercise and staying healthy.
I should probably add "pure will-power" to the list.
Thanks to the Internet, I definitely have Trans friends who understand me. Thanks, everyone! :)
I have indeed been immersing myself in work, home & family time, and returning to some hobbies I haven't made much time for this year. Being busy helps.
I've been paying a lot of attention to my health this year, exercising regularly (almost daily when the weather and my health allow it), eating less, and almost entirely cutting soft drinks out of my diet (but I do drink a lot of Crystal Light, because I'm a little obsessively particular about the taste of water). All told, I feel WAY better about my body and overall health than I did a year ago (face scar from this summer's epic bike crash notwithstanding). Still not the body my inner self wants to see looking back at me in the mirror, but closer.
The other day when we got a few minutes to talk without the kids overhearing me, my sweetheart asked me a question that has apparently been bothering her:
I get the sense from the overall slowdown in my feed reader queue that at least some of you, my dear readers and friends, are largely preoccupied with your own lives right now. I certainly understand that (and have a whole post coming up on the subject).
I think maybe some people might be afraid to comment because they know D.W.'s now reading my blog, and they might not want to say something to offend her...? Maybe...? (At least I can imagine feeling that way about one of y'all if the situation was reversed!)
Anyway, this isn't a plea to go and comment over there, really it's not, because that would be kind of pathetic. But I have to admit I'm surprised.
I guess the takeaway I want to leave with anyone reading my blog is that they should feel free to express their opinions in comments here, and not hold back for fear of hurting our feelings or anything (but note that doesn't mean I'm giving you license to be trollish). I'd really like my blog to be a place where people can feel free and welcome to express themselves truly, and I will try to be a gracious host.
