The Incredible Hulk and the Transgendered Mind (an Avengers Review. No, Really!)

So I want to see the Avengers movie with my kids a couple of weekends ago. To say we loved it would be a significant understatement... It. Was. Awesome!

(At least for those of us who like superhero bash-ups)

A lot of the conversation about the movie has involved Mark Ruffalo's role as Bruce Banner, alter-ego of the Incredible Hulk — rightly so, it was really great, both in person and via the Gollum-style motion capture that drove the CGI character. The script, written by geek icon Joss Whedon, is really great at balancing a lot of characters, giving everyone's favorite their chance to shine — I love Captain America's line about flying monkeys, for example, and of course Robert Downey Jr's Iron Man is something of a smart-alec. That said, I think Hulk did get some of the best/funniest lines. One in particular really jumped out at me, but I'll get to that in a minute.

Okay, first a brief comics history lesson for those of you who aren't up on your Marvel history. The Incredible Hulk is Stan Lee and Jack Kirby's take on the old "Jekyll and Hyde" dichotomy: a peaceful man of science trapped inside the brutish body of a man of action, updated for the atomic age. In most incarnations, Bruce Banner is a genius scientist who gets accidentally exposed to massive amounts of gamma radiation, which has the effect of turning him into a rampaging monster (unchecked id, basically) when he gets angry. Over the years, the comic has covered this basic premise from a bunch of different angles, from psychological horror to straight up superhero action. It's always at its most interesting, though, when the stories do something to contrast the man inside versus "the other guy," as he refers to his hulkish alter ego in the recent film.

Through most of Avengers, Banner almost always refers to his brutish alter-ego only indirectly, only actually calling him by name once, before immediately correcting himself. This mirrors the "Jekyll and Hyde" theme commonly seen in the comics, where Banner and the Hulk were two distinct personalities, mistrustful of one another, only rarely working toward common goals. The last two feature films to focus on the Hulk have tread this ground, but began to hint that Banner was trying to use meditation and other self-mastery techniques to get control over his "anger issues." This bears fruit in the movie's climactic battle scene:

(pay special attention around the 0:35 mark)

So (spoiler alert!) the big secret is that Banner has learned to control his anger, and thus control his transformation into the Hulk! Pretty heady stuff, and a great 11th-hour reveal. Here again, the comics actually went down this road for a while, with a psychotherapist helping Banner integrate the various splintered aspects of his psyche into what the fans typically call the "Professor Hulk," which reconciled the Hulk's strength and pride with Banner's intelligence and compassion. (full disclosure: the "Professor" era's stories were my favorite to read, so I may be gushing a bit)

So what does all of this have to do with being transgendered? I'm glad you asked, Dear Reader. :)

For a very long time (most of my life, actually), I've seen my feminine side as my Hulk, my "other gal." For quite a while I paraphrased King Benjamin, calling her my "natural (wo)man" (and, therefore, an "enemy to God"). None of this was healthy, and it led to a lot of cognitive dissonance and years of emotional whiplash as I swung wildly between indulging and ignoring that voice inside me. It has really only been these past few months, when I finally realized that Arcee is a part of who I am, and accepted that there were positive ways to listen to and validate that part of myself, that I've found something approaching inner peace.

Are there still metaphorical supervillians in my life that need fighting? Of course there are. But I feel like, having made peace with myself, I'm finally equipped to meet life's challenges head-on. For me, beyond the epic superhero fights and struggle for freedom against a seemingly unbeatable foe, my enduring memory of the Avengers will be that scene: Bruce Banner, calmly accepting the duality of his nature, and turning to face his challenges with confidence. I hope to do the same.

The Rules

if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.

— Equal Rites, Terry Pratchett

I've been re-reading Terry Pratchett's book Equal Rites, one of his very first novels set on the Discworld*, and one explicitly concerned with gender roles. The main character, Esk, is the Disc's first female wizard, having being accidentally gifted the magic of a dying wizard that thought she was a baby boy. This quote perfectly sums up her 9-year-old attitude toward the world, but it struck me how much it applies to transpeople too. Self-confidence and fearless determination make all the difference in the world.

* This probably won't be the last time Pratchett comes up on this blog; he's one of my very favorite authors, and has written quite a bit about gender, faith, and other thought-provoking subjects.

Music and Me, part 3

One final note (heh) on music, kind of as an epilogue to what I wrote a few weeks ago

.

The other day I was listening to a podcast by one of my favorite, tragically geeky bands, They Might Be Giants. I thought I'd heard most of their music, even from the (relatively few) albums I don't own, but then a song came on that I'd never heard before that stopped me in my tracks:

How Can I Sing Like a Girl?

Now, it should be said that over the years the Johns (as they call themselves: John Linnel and John Flansburgh) have been incredibly prolific and have produced a huge catalog of music, not all of which has made it onto an album. (there are at least two blogs that I know of that are posting regular updates highlighting some of its weirder corners). In reading these blogs and listening to this podcast, it occurred to me for the first time that they actually sing quite a bit about gender issues! One more reason to like them. :)